Pregnancy After Loss

Are You Ready to Try Again?

By Julia Rosien

A pregnancy that ends in loss leaves prospective parents on rocky emotional terrain. They leave the hospital with empty arms and hearts breaking from sorrow. There seems to be no relief from oppressive desolation and despair. For some, an overwhelming urge to try again comes with the sorrow. Even as they know they'll never replace the baby they lost, they need to give birth to a baby to once again move forward with their lives.

"Grief needs to be given its own place in your heart after a loss," says Carista Luminare-Rosen, Ph.D. "I counsel couples to take time to heal their souls and experience closure after a loss." But no matter how much time passes after the loss, the decision to try for another pregnancy is difficult. Many of these unfortunate couples still struggle with the loss of a baby they imagined rocking to sleep while at the same moment dealing with the timing of a subsequent pregnancy.

Everyone deals with sorrow in distinct ways. Miscarriage centers on the woman's body and what happens within, and her spouse may feel left out of the grieving process. "A spouse can fix dinner, help keep the house clean and look after other children in the home, but he's dealing with an intangible loss," Luminare-Rosen says.

"I was so devastated by our loss, but found it hard to express my grief when my wife needed so much care," says Steve Miller, who lost his first child to miscarriage. "I knew, though, that until I resolved my grief I could not think about another baby." Miller fell in love with the prospect of fatherhood and all it entails well before he met his child. He lost a dream as well as a child with his wife's miscarriage.

Want to see more?

• Helping Hands: Groups That Navigate the Infertility Roller Coaster
• Out of Place: Ectopic Pregnancy
• A Sister's Shoulder: Helping a Friend Survive Miscarriage
• Not Forgotten: Remembering the Children
• Check out our Article Library.
• Talk about it!