If you pursue this approach, retain an experienced adoption attorney to explain the adoption laws in your state. Talk to other adoptive parents. Become familiar with the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC), because in interstate adoptions you will be required to comply with the adoption laws of both states. You certainly do not want your adoption to be challenged because of failing to comply with the relevant adoption laws.

To initiate an independent adoption, you must first locate a birthmother interested in relinquishing her child. In the states where it is legal, advertising in the classified section of local newspapers has proven to be a successful method for bringing birthparents and adoptive parents together. You can advertise on your own or use a national adoption advertising consultant. Another way to locate a birthmother is to send an introductory letter, photo and resume describing your family life, home, jobs, hobbies and interests to crisis pregnancy centers, obstetricians and all of your friends and colleagues who might possibly lead you to the right person. Some families have even advertised on the Internet.

Simply locating a birthmother is only the first step. You also need to know about the birthfather. States have recognized the rights of birthfathers to be involved in decisions about their children, including adoptions. Many states have established registries (putative father registries) as a way for birthfathers to register their intention to support and be involved in their child's life. Several high-profile lawsuits have involved contested adoptions where birthfathers were not notified of, and subsequently objected to, the adoptive placement of the child.

Expenses involved in an independent adoption vary. It is customary for adoptive parents to pay for the birthmother's medical and legal expenses, in addition to their own. Some states also require the adoptive parents to pay for counseling for the birthparents so that the court can be satisfied that they both fully comprehend what they are planning to do. A home study, for which there is a fee, conducted by a certified social worker or a licensed child-placing agency is usually required. In some states, the adoptive parents may also help out with the birthmother's living or clothing expenses. Again, with each of these issues, you must know your state adoption laws and what they allow or prohibit in an adoption.

A few states permit adoption facilitators to act as "matchmakers" who recruit and counsel birthparents and then make introductions to prospective adoptive families. The facilitators charge families for their services and allow the birthparents and the adoptive family to make the rest of the placement arrangements.

Each potential independent adoption situation is different, and this method can be expensive. It is not uncommon for the expenses in an independent adoption to equal those of a private agency adoption unless the birthmother has health insurance or is covered by medical assistance. Since many birthparents change their minds after the child is born, prospective adoptive families must often deal with the loss of funds paid for birthparent expenses in addition to the loss of the anticipated baby. Some adoptive parents purchase adoption insurance as a way to guard against such financial risks; insurance underwriters require that families work with pre-approved agencies or attorneys in order to purchase this insurance.

Identified adoption is a form of independent adoption in which a birthmother and adoptive parents locate one another, but then go together to a licensed adoption agency – in a few states, this is the only type of independent adoption allowed. The agency conducts the home study for the adoptive parents and counsels the birthmother. All the parties know that the birthmother's baby will be placed with that couple. This process combines some of the positive elements of all types of adoption: the birthmother can feel confident that her child will have a future with an approved, loving family, and the adoptive parents can feel confident that the birthmother has thought through her decision carefully. As in any adoption, however, a birthmother may still change her mind about placing the child.

Many couples who have adopted infants independently found it was the right solution for them. It may be the solution for you; however, it is not for everyone. Some adoptive parents who have adopted independently say later that it might have been nice to have had the emotional support and thoughtful preparation for adoption that an adoption agency provides. Most parents want to be well-prepared to help their children deal with adoption issues they will face at different points in their lives. Some parents seek support before and after adopting independently by joining adoptive parent support groups.

Openness in Adoption
An increasing number of adoption professionals feel that openness between the birthparents and adoptive parents benefits the child. Information about both parties can be exchanged directly. The birthparents can do some anticipatory grieving for their loss, while the adoptive parents can prepare to bond immediately with their baby. In this approach, it has even been known for a birthmother to use the adoptive mother as her labor coach when delivering the baby.

Follow-up research on families who have open adoption placements suggests that there are several important benefits to openness. Adoptive families generally report that they do not fear the birthparents (who know them and the child) will return to claim the child. In addition, parents report that their children do not display confusion about who is the parent. Children can ask the difficult questions directly about the reasons they were placed for adoption. Birthparents report a confidence in the rightness of their very difficult decision when they have the security of knowing the adoptive parents and knowing how the child is doing. Researchers plan to continue their follow-up studies of open adoption placements and to continue to report their findings to professionals and families alike.

How You Can Learn More About Adoption
This fact sheet gives a basic overview of the steps and issues involved with becoming an adoptive parent. For more in-depth information, you should read adoption guidebooks that are available at your public library or book store. You can find adoption resources online but verify their credibility by cross checking.

Various organizations offer educational programs on adoption. Community colleges, adoption agencies, hospitals, religious groups, local YMCAs and other organizations may offer adoption preparation programs in your community. You can also call a local private or public adoption agency to find out about their parent preparation programs or to obtain informative publications produced by the agency.

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