Going Solo

The Pursuit of Single Motherhood

By Teri Brown

From which university to attend, to which double latte to have in the morning, life is filled with decisions. If you've been pondering motherhood, the decision is likely a bit more pressing, maybe even a bit more difficult to make? But you're not alone even though you may be without a partner. Many women have chosen the solo path to parenting, and you just might be able to gleen some strength and wisdom from their stories.

Rose Lewis is the mother of one adopted daughter and the author of I Love You Like Crazy Cakes (Little, Brown and Company, 2000), a book about her relationship with her daughter. Lewis was 37 years old when she began thinking about having a child on her own. She had recently ended a long-term relationship and gave herself until she was 40 before exploring adoption.

"I would have to say most women probably don't choose single motherhood," says Lewis. "I think many women who give birth or adopt children as single women do so because they don't want to go through life without children. Ironically, I think it is my father who had the greatest insight into this question. When I talked with my parents about adopting a child as a single parent, they were supportive from the very beginning they were thrilled actually. My father said, 'I know you would like to get married, and I hope someday you will. On the other hand, I can see you living your life without a husband, but not without a child.'"

Of course, how you will become a mother is probably foremost on your mind. You might be surprised to find out that even without a partner, your options aren't limited. Motherhood can be yours through adoption, donor sperm and insemination, or even the good old fashion way. What you really need is enough information and support to make the decision.

Jane Mattes is the director and founder of Single Mothers by Choice (SMC), a group formed in 1981 to help support women choosing to have a child on their own. She says the group consists of three main types of women: Thinkers, Tryers and Moms.

Want to see more?

• Flying Solo: Single Parent Adoption
• Mulling Over Motherhood: Do You Really Want to Be a Mom?
• Decisions, Decisions: Which Path Is Right for You?
• Talk about it!