Rescuing Romance

Take Your Relationship from Fizzle to Sizzle

By Kelly Burgess

Have you heard about the three stages of sex in marriage? They're tri-weekly, try-weekly and try-weakly. OK, that's a joke, but the reason there are so many jokes about how precipitously the quantity (and quality) of sex declines after the first year of marriage is because, for the most part, it's true. And we're not talking about parents with three kids running around, either. Even younger couples without any children can get so caught up in the busyness of everyday life that romance takes a back seat.

The good news is that it doesn't have to be that way. Keeping romance alive in your relationship is a lot easier than you would think. Even better, if you're planning to have a child soon – or eventually – sex with a purpose can provide a powerful spark to a romantic life that's smoldering.

Laura Berman, Ph.D., nationally recognized sex educator and therapist, says that it's not unusual for couples to find that passion fades over the first year or so. Settling into the routine of everyday life may also mean settling for the routine in your romantic life.

"After that initial excitement fades, it's easy to get stuck in a rut and to put your romantic life on the back burner," Berman says. "The reality of everyday life, work, dirty clothes, housework and other obligations tends to overshadow that first, very powerful sexual attraction."

This doesn't mean that you love your partner any less; this is merely a stage in the relationship when you have to realize that romance is something you need to work on. Those who do so successfully have successful marriages; those who don't are miserable.

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