When the first internationally adopted transracial children began to be adopted by American families in the late 1950s, the prevailing theory was that since the children were part of families headed by Caucasian parents, they should be raised to assimilate into the American Caucasian culture. The first international adoptions were those of Korean orphans. Jeannie Marshall* of Washington, now 41, who was adopted from Korea at eleven months of age, was one of these children. Her parents had a biological son who was 4 when Carolyn was adopted.

"I was raised in a rural area," says Marshall. "I was the only Korean child in the area. My parents knew little or nothing about Korea. They had never even been there -- I was escorted from Korea to the airport in Chicago where they met me. They loved me and they raised me as if I were their flesh and blood. It was obvious when you looked at me that I wasn't!" Marshall says that growing up and even as a young adult, she always felt "different" and "not as good as white people."

Marshall says that although she had a loving family and friends, was good in school and successful in her career, the feeling of being "different" never went away. She found herself ill-equipped to battle racial stereotypes and discrimination. She studied Korean history and culture and made a trip to Korea.

"I still felt different!" she says. "I had dreamed of going to Korea; I thought I'd fit in there. But I didn't. I wasn't Korean, I was Korean-American." It wasn't until she met other Korean-American adoptees of her own age that she felt a sense of belonging. "We were all raised to fit in and 'act white.' But we aren't white and we'll never be white. I know that our parents had the best of intentions but I am so glad that many parents today who adopt transracially see the importance of their child learning about the culture they came from! It is very hard growing up with no racial identity when you are a member of a minority group. I wish I had been brought up to be proud of my heritage. It makes life so much easier."

Mary and Tom Coyle of Virginia are determined that their children's experience will be different than Jeannie Marshall's. The Coyles adopted their son and daughter from Korea as infants; the children are now 3 and 4 years old. Initially they didn't feel their childrens' race was reason for concern, as they had lived in Hawaii, where Asian people are the majority culture. But they learned too quickly that their own "color blindness" was not universal and began to prepare themselves and their children for life as a member of a racial minority. Mary Coyle was shaken by reading about experiences like Jeannie Marshall's.

"Reading some of these articles not only was an eye-opener, but also brought with it the guilt of my children experiencing something as traumatic as this," Coyle says. "As a parent you hope that they won't have to deal with these types of issues until they are adults. As an adoptive parent, I now realize that my children will have to deal with these issues of discrimination as early as kindergarten and first grade."

She is coping with these issues by viewing her children's heritage as one to be celebrated: the family celebrates Korean holidays, eats Korean foods and spends time with Korean people. The parents are learning about Korea and its culture. The children have joined a playgroup for Korean children and when they are of kindergarten age, will begin attending a Saturday cultural school where they will learn to speak Hangul (the Korean language), as well as "the culture, language, history and cooking practices of their homeland."

Beth Hall of California, an expert on transracial adoption, says it's crucial for those who are parenting across racial lines to realize how different their child of color's experience will be from their own "white experience." Hall is co-founder, with Gail Steinberg, of Pact: An Adoption Alliance and is co-author of the new book Inside Transracial Adoption. She is also the Caucasian parent of two transracially adopted children. Hall says it's normal for those parenting transracially "to feel badly that we can't do everything for our child."

Families like the Coyles, who both make their child's culture an important part of their everyday life and also seek help with their children's cultural education, are giving their children important tools. "It's not about me learning everything about my child's culture," Hall says. "You can't teach culture second hand. Be in touch with other people who are the same race/ethnicity as your child. Once you become a parent, it's always about how to get what your child needs. You never have all the answers."

Hall advises parents that culture is more than ethnic festivals and holidays. "Culture is a lived, breathed thing," she says. "There's not just one way to 'be' a certain ethnicity. And look for the message you send to your child. Who are you intimate with? Who comes to dinner?" She says parents should "become opportunistic. You may now have more in common with families of color."

Andria Kestner* of North Carolina has mixed feelings about the importance of her infant daughter's cultural identity. Andria and her husband, Ted, have an 8-year-old biological daughter, Sharon, and after experiencing secondary infertility, decided to adopt. Seven-month-old Kara is Cambodian.

"I will answer questions for [Kara] and tell her a little, but until she is older I will not force any of it on her," Kestner says. The Kestners have made friends with other families who have adopted from Cambodia, and they plan to stay in touch "because I don't want her to feel isolated and so different." At the same time, Kestner isn't sure that stressing her daughter's cultural background is positive; she worries that it will make Kara feel "different than her peers here in America." Andrea sums up her feelings by saying, "I feel my daughter should know her past, but that she is an American now."

Beth Hall disagrees. She feels that both family and culture are equally important to a transracially adopted child. "We need to embrace all of who a child is," she says. "It is 100 percent important that children feel they are part of the family. And it is 100 percent important that they feel they are part of their race/ethnicity."

Their son's racial identity is so important to Ilene and Shane Watson of Kentucky that they will move to a more racially diverse area in a few years (their son is just one year old). "I feel it is extremely important for Cameron to know about his culture," Ilene Watson says. "He is going to be expected to act a certain way around groups of African American people, and a different way around groups of Caucasian people. It will be difficult for him to fit in with friends of his race if he hasn't been exposed to people of color. I don't want him to ever feel like an outsider, and I want him to appreciate the wonderful culture that he comes from." The Watsons have several African American friends, including an African American couple who adopted a biracial son through the same adoption agency. "We have a wonderful relationship with them, but are always looking to expand our circle of friends," Watson says.

Roberta Rosenberg of Maryland offers advice for those considering transracial adoption. "Be strong, be loving and be aware. Don't kid yourself that love is all you need and that race doesn't matter. Race in a racially diverse and divided culture such as ours ALWAYS matters. As adoptive parents. it is up to us to embrace the reality that when we adopt children outside our race we, in effect, become minority families. We therefore have to accept that reality and see it for what it is and the opportunities/challenges race presents us -- and more importantly, our non-white children. From well-meaning stereotypes to the cruelest jokes, this is the world our children will live in." Rosenberg says that along with unconditional love and support, parents must give children the tools "to cope with a world that WILL judge them by criteria that have nothing to do with the content of their character (to paraphrase Martin Luther King).

"Then, and only then are we ready to parent the children we are privileged to raise and love."

Ed. Note: * denotes a name that has been changed to protect privacy.